Haunt Me Still
by Luminara Unduli
Summary: Originally intended as a one-shot, so the chapters are shorter than usual. Neji reflects after he has committed an unthinkable crime, and only one girl is able to calm and console him.
1. Run

Hope is something given to those who deserve it. A monstrosity which somehow has been given the right to exist could not behold such a sacred treasure. All I am is a feral element of nature, a weapon to those who desire power and domination. They use me for whatever amusement they find in this dismal world and cast me away when I become a nuisance.

No matter how they tried to be rid of me, however, there still flickered inside me a soulless flame that had no origin of finite measures. And thus, it could not be so easily hidden or put out. I unleashed the hell they had planted in me and relinquished my vengeance.

But just a silent, forlorn glance from you killed whatever fire I once possessed with the countenance of armies. How could I resist the promise you so passively made? The days spent in bemusement, the nights spent in hourless passion...you left me so much more to cling to then you realized. No matter what I do, I can't forget the enthralling sensation of just being near you. It was absolute peace, endearing euphoria, and then the savage spirit which possessed my senses and could not be quelled or brushed away.

My battling heart fought for relevance in an eternal quest which you offered. The light would come from your eyes like the sun breaking amongst storm clouds and whatever warriors still remained could not do anything but fall to their knees in an arduous plea for mercy.

How I hate you...loathe you. I wish there was nothing left but your still-beating heart between my fingers and labored breathing upon my neck. I want to be inside you as you die, feeling every last moment as if it were me being torn away from this world. This is how I define beauty, how I feel love. There are no more foolish knaves to play, no more plots for the fearless wanderers who go unknowingly to their end.

"I was born alone, and I will die alone. This is my destiny."

...and then your hazed words...

"_I don't believe in destiny, then..."_

Such simple words bring me an unwarranted emotion that surpasses even my own comprehension of what I am. For that is the unending question, isn't it? I see nothing in myself that is worth preserving, so in solace I search for what I desire and make it suffer. If just for a moment, saturated by the cleansing sacrifice of innocence, perhaps the monster inside would be satisfied and I could live free.

"**You are nothing without me!" **

it warns...and then I return here once again. Carefully, you clean the blood from my hands and kiss me still – how I must taste like the dead, reek of the evil which rots inside – but your unwavering eyes seem to find a piece of human that is left, hidden beneath the rugged stones...upon which are engraved my curse.


	2. Lest

You said I could tell you everything, right? No matter what hellish words come from my lips, you still sit beside me and stroke my hand like I was an orphaned child. As you let yourself drown further into the shards of insanity that litter my consciousness, I can't help but feel satisfied, somehow. I am the selfish bastard others play me for, perhaps a foolhardy one...but all the same, I am not alone.

Maybe that is what I fear the most. Not even knowing who my mother was, and watching my father sacrifice himself for what he thought was a righteous cause...is that what you call love? Is that what a family is for?

"_You're a walking contradiction..."_

you whisper, and laugh.

I want to dispute your words, but your gentle countenance calms me momentarily. The silence leads me to thoughts of the past, a sort of cavern to those who would walk unknowingly there. But I know where the truth lies. I am alone. The echoes of my hallow voice fade down the cavern walls and out of existence.

The walls themselves are unassailable – harsh and porous to the touch, but they arc high above me and dispel any hope to escape. I crane my head higher still and focus on the thin white streak of light that is trying to push itself through. A few small pebbles fall around me, their sharp voices following my own down the halls. There is a strong resonance above me, and suddenly what seemed futilely impenetrable has been broken through, allowing a faint luminous cloud to settle upon me.

You gently lace your fingers between mine. My own are cold and calloused, and I hesitate. "I do not understand," I say, perhaps a reply to what you have said earlier, or perhaps a separate thought...you do not know. It is my way of testing you, trying to see what manner of thoughts drift through the mind of a girl I fail to comprehend. You fascinate me, and yet you frustrate me.

"_Life is not measured by logic and reasoning."_

I nod, trying to believe you. And like that orphaned child, I rest my aching head in your lap and let all worry drift away...if just for the night.


	3. You

I was not met by the solace of sleep, rather, maddening nightmares assailing all but the revered touch of your frailty. How should I have expected it to be any different? Peace is something only relented to the angelic mortals who have not felt the refreshing sting of another's blood on their own skin.

At each moment, I morph into a different man, trying to find the one who you want me to be. I want to be near you, protect you – yet I want to taste your blood and feel your lifeless flesh with my fingers. I am a contradiction, as you say.

"_Please, tell me what happened,"_

you whisper innocently. For a moment, I almost wished I could take you inside my mind and show you, let you feel how real it was for me. But there is no way to do so, and I hang my head, staring at the ground.

"_Then…tell me why…"_

Your voice seems weaker now, and as I look over at your hunched form, I can see a pool of salty tears gathering on the palm of your hand I once held

"_You are not a monster, Neji! You are not a weapon of the Hyuuga clan!"_

Bound by instinct, I grab you by the throat, feeling the racing pulse in my hands. I have fantasized this moment many times before, and the exhilaration makes me feel as if I am flying unbound and unhindered by the humanistic restraints which once held me fast upon the earth. I feel my features shifting to s monstrous sneer, my being burning with elation.

But my satisfaction dims as a feel your trembling fingers brush my chin. You try to say something, but you cannot find your voice. Your eyes are not consumed by the fear that my pulsing fingers so earnestly search for in your clammy skin. I can feel your pulse slowing now, as I have invaded your mind and spirit.

I desperately search for the anguish that has so often fueled my inhibitions, but my frustration brews over when all I find inside of your mind is an insatiable peace…I have never felt such an overwhelming emotion before. And just as my incursion has finally succeeded, it is broken by the sudden change of the tide within you.

I have always thought myself a soulless creature with neither vice nor malice, only searching for something that would make me feel relevant and desired by someone. You were the closest thing I had to a companion. What frightened me the most is the _why_…Why do you appear to care so much for me? What keeps you near me, regardless of what hellish acts I have committed?

And so I release you, fighting the savage inside that commands me to finish it, to not trust anyone or anything. I feel a gentle wisp of surreal energy brush over my disjointed fingers and return to your body. Your chest convulses, and I retreat. Surely, the damage is done, and now I can return to the solace of insanity.


End file.
